I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
