how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
