the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
