So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We need to rekindle our bromance
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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