She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
