Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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