Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
