I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
