It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
