he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
