i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
