When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
