but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
