I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
