I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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