btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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