you would pick up someone in the library
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
