i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
