I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
