dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There r osticjed everywhere
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
