The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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