I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude i'm inner monologue high
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
