Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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