I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
