that's an acceptable place to lick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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