thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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