just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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