Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
