I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
