Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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