So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
