I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
