D3 body, D1 cock
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
