the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
