i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
