im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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