I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
