Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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