I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
