My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
