I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
