I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
