I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
