I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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