out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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