hotel room ftw
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
