I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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