your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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