you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
