I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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