I think my fart just growled at me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
