when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
