Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
