Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
