You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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