never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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